Why I Needed to Think Deep

I think a lot. At leat I think I do. I’ll take a walk and dive deep in to thoughts about connection and being human and life in our universe. I’ll think about love. And how my brain operates. And sometimes political things. And a million other things.

But it’s always just a thought. It exists, then it doesn’t.

It’s like eating a messy burger, and when you’re done the only proof you had that you ate it is the stain on your shirt. Just a little messy reminder, but no real substance. You forget the exact taste of the burger just like you forget the exact taste of your thought.

I stain a lot of my shirts so that analogy hella worked for me.

I realized as I was doing things like constantly doomscrolling Facebook, I would come across a piece of content and land somewhere on the spectrum of disagree to agree.

This next part is super important!

I realized my opinions were mostly just agreeing or disagreeing with the opinions of others!

And I think a big part of that behavior for me is if I don’t have an opinion of my own then I can’t be wrong.

With the way my brain works, it thinks “How can I form an actual opinion of my own when I don’t have every piece of information in existance to form the correct opinion!”

I know that’s not how it works. But that’s how my brain works.

And I can usually understand on some level the opinions of various sides of a situation, so I can agree at least in part with conflicting thoughts, which makes it feel impossible to form the correct opinion.

Again, I know that’s not how that works.

So here I am, using this space to think about everything. To be curious about my own beliefs. To take that ball of clay that is my beliefs and play with it, and shape it, and reshape it, until it looks like a belief that I made all by myself.